Today is Mother’s Day and I have been thinking about this day for the past week. Mostly because my wonderful family has been asking me all week what I wanted to do today. I keep telling them massages, cleaning toilets and yard work all done by them, but their little half hearted smile and giggle makes me believe they think I am joking. The reality is I want Mother’s Day to be what it will be; no expectations and no pressures.
As a recovering perfectionist I have thought a lot over the years of what a “perfect” mom should look like. I have compiled many lists in my head of what I am doing wrong and how I could be better. Striving to be “Super Mom” was at the top of my To Do list and it was exhausting.
It wasn’t until I started focusing on holistic wellness that I came up with this list of 3 ways to be the “perfect” mom.
- You show up everyday without fail. Now this does not mean you show up dressed, hair done, makeup on after a 6am workout, with pancakes for breakfast along with fresh squeezed orange juice. This means you wake up each morning and put one foot in front of the other. Every day is going to be different and that is okay. What matters is you show up every day and be the best version of you. Some days you will feel like a rock star and other days you will feel like a rock star who has partied way too hard on tour; completed exhausted and overwhelmed. Our children will not remember the day that you spent laying on the couch, drinking coffee and reading a book while they binged watched movies on Netflix. They will remember you as their mom, as a whole person. They will remember you being present, smiling (even through the pain), the hugs and kisses and the moments you spent together.
- You are emotionally strong. Yes, thats right I said Emotionally Strong!! The fact of the matter is that emotionally strong means you are vulnerable enough to show your kids all the emotions in the world. Every child should see their mom laugh until they cry, get upset when she is angry, cry when she is sad, admit when she is frustrated and lose her patience; aka lose her shit! The reality is the world is not one emotion. Your children need to see their mom beyond happy, break down when they have reached their limit and cry when they are sad because this will allow our children to see that is is okay to be vulnerable. See that there are going to be moments in their lives that seem perfect and moments where perfection seems so far away. They need to know that no matter what moment they are in they need to feel those emotions, embrace them and know that everything is going to be okay. They need to be witness to their mother being human, falling down and getting back up and they also need to see their Mom rising to the top with all the dignity and strength that she has.
- You give your all to your children. Every mother should give her all to her children, but this means something completely different when you begin to live a holistic lifestyle. Many believe that you should be there for your children every second of every day, never missing a moment. That you should give up your former self, become selfless and nurturing at all times; yet it is these precise thoughts that lead to postpartum depression, resentment and heart ache. Mothers need to give their all to their children, but this means they need to find happiness outside of their children, they need friends, hobbies, and passions. They need moments of self reflection, mini vacations, date nights; whatever makes them feel complete. In order to give your all to your children you yourself must feel whole. Feeling whole will give you more energy, happiness and a greater ability to be all in when you spend time with your children.
Although being a mother will always be the most important role you will ever fill, it will take up the biggest space in your heart and you take pride in being a mom; being a perfect mom is unattainable. There is no such thing. We all will have moments of greatness, moments of weakness, and moments you wish you could take back…but remember always that these moments are all the things that make you an amazing mom.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Real Life. Real You.
Amy Bowers xo